Kiko's Food Porn

kinfood:




For the anon who ID’s with ice and mentioned chocolate, might I suggest:
Frozen Hot Chocolate, Serendipity Style
You’ll need:2 cups whole milkFive 1.25 ounce packets of Hot Chocolate mix (pick your favorite!)4 cups ice1 cup heavy cream2 tablespoons granulated sugar1/4 cup mini chocolate chips or grated chocolate
1. Place milk into blender. Add hot chocolate packets and blend until combined. Add ice and blend until ice is blended into tiny chunks. Pour evenly into 4 glasses on top of plates to catch any dripping frozen hot chocolate.
2. Whip cream and sugar until whipped cream. Top each glass with whipped cream and sprinkle with mini chocolate chips.
Makes 4 servings

Seriously, friend. You are a godsend.
-Wolf

kinfood:

For the anon who ID’s with ice and mentioned chocolate, might I suggest:

Frozen Hot Chocolate, Serendipity Style

You’ll need:
2 cups whole milk
Five 1.25 ounce packets of Hot Chocolate mix (pick your favorite!)
4 cups ice
1 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/4 cup mini chocolate chips or grated chocolate

1. Place milk into blender. Add hot chocolate packets and blend until combined. Add ice and blend until ice is blended into tiny chunks. Pour evenly into 4 glasses on top of plates to catch any dripping frozen hot chocolate.

2. Whip cream and sugar until whipped cream. Top each glass with whipped cream and sprinkle with mini chocolate chips.

Makes 4 servings

Seriously, friend. You are a godsend.

-Wolf

kinfood:

Thought this might appeal to dwarfkin and/or general subterranean types (they were traditionally eaten by miners in the U.P. of Michigan) or any kintype that likes earthy and hearty foods. They’re one of the best foods ever to have on a cold winter evening, and are absolutely delicious slathered in ketchup
Madelyne Lawry’s Authentic Pasty Recipe
The Crust:
    •    2 cups of flour
    •    2/3 cup of Crisco
    •    1/2 teaspoon salt
    •    1/2 cup of cold water
Cut the shortening into flour and salt. Add water. Mix and knead until well blended. Form into 4 balls, and chill in the refrigerator for at least an hour. Roll in an 8-inch circle, slightly oblong in shape. Use plenty of flour while rolling out.
The Filling:
    •    3/4 pound of ground pork, or 1/2-inch cubes of pork
    •    1/2 cup of chopped onion
    •    1/2 cup of cubed rutabagas, or carrots
    •    1/2 cup of grated beef suet (optional) *
    •    3 cups of diced potatoes
    •    1 1/2 teaspoons of salt
    •    1/2 teaspoon black pepper
* The suet is used with the lean steak, and can be traded off to the fat content of the ground beef.
The Procedure:
Mix the filling together in a large bowl. Roll out the dough, and brush the edges with milk. Put one cup of filling onto one side of each crust, and fold over. Seal the edge by pressing with a fork. Place onto a cookie sheet. Cut a half-inch slit in each to allow steam to exit, and brush the top with milk.
Bake on the bottom shelf of an oven preheated to 400 degrees F for 25 minutes, then move to the middle shelf for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, and cover with a clean towel. Allow to cool for at least 15 minutes before eating. Makes 4 pasties.
 

kinfood:

Thought this might appeal to dwarfkin and/or general subterranean types (they were traditionally eaten by miners in the U.P. of Michigan) or any kintype that likes earthy and hearty foods. They’re one of the best foods ever to have on a cold winter evening, and are absolutely delicious slathered in ketchup

Madelyne Lawry’s Authentic Pasty Recipe

The Crust:

   •    2 cups of flour

   •    2/3 cup of Crisco

   •    1/2 teaspoon salt

   •    1/2 cup of cold water

Cut the shortening into flour and salt. Add water. Mix and knead until well blended. Form into 4 balls, and chill in the refrigerator for at least an hour. Roll in an 8-inch circle, slightly oblong in shape. Use plenty of flour while rolling out.

The Filling:

   •    3/4 pound of ground pork, or 1/2-inch cubes of pork

   •    1/2 cup of chopped onion

   •    1/2 cup of cubed rutabagas, or carrots

   •    1/2 cup of grated beef suet (optional) *

   •    3 cups of diced potatoes

   •    1 1/2 teaspoons of salt

   •    1/2 teaspoon black pepper

* The suet is used with the lean steak, and can be traded off to the fat content of the ground beef.

The Procedure:

Mix the filling together in a large bowl. Roll out the dough, and brush the edges with milk. Put one cup of filling onto one side of each crust, and fold over. Seal the edge by pressing with a fork. Place onto a cookie sheet. Cut a half-inch slit in each to allow steam to exit, and brush the top with milk.

Bake on the bottom shelf of an oven preheated to 400 degrees F for 25 minutes, then move to the middle shelf for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, and cover with a clean towel. Allow to cool for at least 15 minutes before eating. Makes 4 pasties.

 

ALRIGHT YOU FUCKERS LET’S MAKE ALFREDO

fuckingrecipes:

cadavatar:

SO I HEARD YOU LIKE AGGRESSIVE RECIPES? WELL HERE’S ONE FOR YOU, YOU PISS POOR COLLEGE STUDENT. YOU EVER GET TIRED OF BUYING PREMADE ALFREDO SAUCE AND HAVING IT TASTE LIKE SHIT? HELLS TO THE YES, YOU DO. I FUCKING KNOW IT. OR MAYBE YOU WANNA IMPRESS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER WITH YOUR RADASS COOKING SKILLS, BECAUSE PASTA SAUCE IS HELLA BAMF.

YEAH. THOUGHT SO. SO RUN YOUR AWESOME ASSKICKING SELF TO THE STORE AND GRAB UP THESE OBJECTS, BASHING ZOMBIES AND BEING POLITE TO OLD LADIES ALONG THE WAY.

  • 1 STICK OF BUTTER, BECAUSE WE NEED THAT MUCH AWESOMENESS.
  • AN 8 OUNCE PACKAGE OF CREAM CHEESE. PHILIDELPHIA IS BADASS BUT GENERIC CHEESE BLOCKS IS JUST AS COOL.
  • 2 CUPS OF GRADE A RADASS MILK. PREFERABLY FROM A COW. NOT SKIM. FUCK SKIM.
  • 6 OUNCES OF GRATED PARMESAN CHEESE. NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING; REM I DON’T HAVE TIME IN THE DAY BETWEEN KICKING TEETH OUT AND DRINKING TEA TO GRATE FUCKING PARMESAN. THE FUCK IS THIS? BUT THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE WE’VE GOT THIS HEAVENLY SHIT:

image THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. FORGET GRATING A BLOCK OF CHEESE, YOUR AN ASSKICKING MOTHERFUCKING BADASS, NOT AN ASTROPHYSICIST. (UNLESS YOU ARE. THEN YOU’RE BOTH, AND YOU REALLY DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.)

  • 2 TEASPOONS OF GARLIC POWDER. THIS IS PROBABLY ALREADY IN YOUR PANTRY SO CHECK AND SEE IF THE GARLIC FAIRY CAME BY TO GIVE YOU YOUR VAMPIRE KILLING CONCOCTION OF THE WEEK. IF THAT FLYING BITCH IS SLACKING DON’T WORRY, THIS SHIT IS IN THE SPICE SECTION.
  • 1/8 OF A TEASPOON BLACK PEPPER. YOU MAY BE A BADASS RADASS, BUT DON’T USE ANY MORE, THIS SHIT IS THE DEVIL. TREAT WITH CARE.

ALRIGHT SO IF YOU’VE GOT ALL THIS SHIT IT’S TIME TO DO THE MIXING AND MASHING SO LET’S FUCKING GO.

GET ALL YOUR INGREDIENTS TOGETHER BECAUSE THIS STUFF COOKS UP HELLA FAST, LIKE HEAVY METAL HEADBANGING QUICK. PUT YOUR NOODLES ON BEFORE YOU START YOUR SAUCE.

CUT THE BUTTER AND CREAM CHEESE INTO CHUNKS SO THEY’LL MELT FASTER AND BE EASIER TO STIR IN. YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO WATCH BUTTER MELT, YOU’VE GOT BETTER SHIT TO DO.

NOW GRAB A MEDIUM SIZED POT AND PUT IN ON THE STOVE AT A MEDIUM HEAT. MELT THE BUTTER CHUNKS BEFORE ADDING THE CREAM CHEESE AND THE GARLIC POWDER. GRAB A WHISK AND STIR THAT SHIT, STIR IT LIKE YOUR FUCKING IT INTO SUBMISSION.

MMM, LOOK AT THE WHITE CREAMINESS YOUR JUST MADE. IT’S CHUNKY AND GROSS, YOU SAY? KEEP FUCKING STIRRING IT, NERD. ONCE IT’S NOT GROSS AND CHUNKY, START ADDING YOUR MILK ABOUT HALF AS ONCE, THEN THE OTHER HALF. YOU KNOW, LIKE SEX. MAKING ALFREDO IS A GIANT SEX PUN.

NOW IT’S TIME TO STIR IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PARMESAN AND PEPPER. ONCE IT’S IN YOU’RE LITERALLY DONE, BUT IF IT LOOKS THIN SHAKE A LITTLE MORE PARMESAN RIGHT IN THERE. IT’LL LOOK THIN ON THE STOVE BUT TRUST ME IT’LL BE THICKER WHEN YOU TAKE THE 2 SECONDS TO LOOK AT IT ON YOUR PLATE OF NOODLES BEFORE SHOVING IT ALL INTO YOUR MOUTH BECAUSE GODDAMN ALFREDO CHRISTMAS HAS COME.

BLESS YOU. BLESS YOUR ALFREDO. PEACE, FUCKERS.

I ONLY USE HALF A  STICK OF BUTTER, BUT THAT RECIPE IS WARRIOR-WORTHY, AND DELICIOUS AS FUCK!

ROCK ON!

chefthisup:

Snickers Dip.
Get the recipe here » http://bit.ly/ZQiAM7

chefthisup:

Snickers Dip.

Get the recipe here » http://bit.ly/ZQiAM7

yaheardwithperd:

sarrel:

Ingredients:

CINNAMON FILLING:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, just melted (not boiling)
1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
1/2 tablespoon ground cinnamon

CREAM CHEESE GLAZE:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
2-ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

PANCAKES:
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 tablespoon canola or vegetable oil

Directions:

Prepare the cinnamon filling: In a medium bowl, stir together the butter, brown sugar and cinnamon. Scoop the filling into a quart-sized heavy zip baggie and set it aside (see *Tips below).

Prepare the glaze: In a small pan, heat the butter over low heat until melted. Turn off the heat and whisk in the cream cheese until it is almost smooth. Sift the powdered sugar into the pan, stir and add in vanilla extract. Set the pan aside while you make the pancakes.

Prepare the pancake batter: In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt. Whisk in the milk, egg and oil, just until the batter is moistened (a few small lumps are fine).

Cook the pancakes: Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium-heat and spray with nonstick spray. Use an ice cream scoop (or 1/3 cup measuring cup) to add the batter to the pan. Use the bottom of the scoop or cup to spread the batter into a circle (about 4-inches in diameter). Reduce the heat to medium low. Snip the corner of your baggie of cinnamon filling and squeeze the filling into the open corner. When your pancake begins to form bubbles, add the filling. Starting at the center of the pancake, squeeze the filling on top of the pancake batter in a swirl (just as you see in a regular cinnamon roll). Cook the pancake 2 to 3 minutes, or until the bubbles begin popping on top of the pancake and it’s golden brown on the bottom. Slide a thin, wide metal spatula underneath the pancake and gently but quickly flip it over. Cook an additional 2 to 3 minutes, until the other side is golden as well. When you flip the pancake onto a plate, you will see that the cinnamon filling has created a crater-swirl of cinnamon. Wipe out the pan with a paper towel, and repeat with the remaining pancake batter and cinnamon filling. Re-warm the glaze briefly, if needed. Serve pancakes topped with a drizzle of glaze.

fuckin yuuum

BRAIDED SPAGHETTI BREAD

fuckingrecipes:

image

YOU CLASSY-ASS DRAGON SLAYING MOTHERFUCKERS WANT A REAL TREAT? THEN SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE AMBROSIA OF THE GODS CALLED MOTHERFUCKING BRAIDED SPAGHETTI BREAD. CONQUER YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE AND GRAB YOURSELF:

  • A 1-POUND LOAF OF BREAD DOUGH. FRENCH BREAD IS THE CLASSIEST WAY TO BE
  • ABOUT 6 OZ OF COOKED SPAGHETTI OR HOWEVER THE FUCK MUCH YOUR FINE ASS WANTS TO MAKE
  • A JAR OF THE SPAGHETTI SAUCE OF YOUR CHOICE
  • A BRICK OF SOME OF THAT MOZZARELLA CHEESE SHIT
  • BUTTER MELTED IN THE FIRES OF MORDOR
  • PARMESAN, ITALIAN SEASONING, AND WHATEVER ELSE YOUR BADASS SELF WANTS
  • SOME ITALIAN SAUSAGE OR OTHER DELICIOUS MEAT OF YOUR CHOOSING, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE A METAL BADASS

FIRST, GRAB YOURSELF A ROLL OF THAT PARCHMENT PAPER SHIT AND RIP OFF A PIECE ABOUT THE SIZE OF A COOKIE SHEET. TAKE THAT SWEET-ASS LUMP OF BREAD DOUGH AND BEAT THAT MOTHERFUCKER INTO SUBMISSION UNTIL IT TURNS ITSELF INTO A 12X16-INCH RECTANGLE. YOU CLASSY BITCHES DON’T HAVE TO BE EXACT BUT GET CLOSE ENOUGH. COVER WITH PLASTIC AND LET THAT FUCKER REST FOR 10 OR 15 MINUTES.

WHILE YOUR BUSY SITTING AROUND ON YOUR ASS THINKING ABOUT ALL THE DEMONS YOU COULD BE SLAYING, GRAB YOURSELF A POT OF WATER AND BOIL THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE FIRES OF HELL. COOK YOUR DAMN SPAGHETTI. I SUGGEST MAKING MORE THAN ENOUGH BECAUSE, FUCK, WHO DOESN’T LOVE TASTY-ASS LEFTOVERS?

ONCE YOUR SPAGHETTI HAS BEEN BOILED TO DEATH BY SCALDING WATER, DRAIN IT AND MIX IT UP WITH SOME OF THAT SWEET BLOOD OF TOMATOES SPAGHETTI SAUCE.

COAT THOSE NOODLY MOTHERFUCKERS WITH THE SEASONED BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES. THEN, TAKE THOSE HARDCORE SPAGHETTI AND THROW THOSE FUCKERS DOWN IN A 4-INCH STRIP DOWN THE CENTER OF YOUR SWEET-ASS PULVERIZED BREAD DOUGH.

GET THE REST OF THOSE LIQUEFIED TOMATOES AND POUR ON HOWEVER MUCH YOUR CLASSY-ASS DESIRES. LASTLY, TOP OFF THAT MOTHERFUCKING PILE OF SAUCY GLORY WITH PLENTY OF GRATED OR CUBED MOZZARELLA CHEESE.

DEPENDING ON YOUR PERSONAL FUCKING PREFERENCE, YOU CAN COOK UP SOME OF THAT SWEET-ASS ITALIAN SAUSAGE OR OTHER MEAT AND STIR THAT IN WITH YOUR SPAGHETTI AND TOMATO BLOOD SAUCE. THAT’S METAL AS FUCK.

HERE COMES THE TRICKY PART SO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION YOU SASSY MOTHERFUCKERS. LET’S BRAID THIS SHIT UP.

PULL OUT YOUR DEMON KILLING KNIFE AND WIELD THAT FUCKER BRAVELY. STAB CUTS INTO YOUR SUBMISSIVE BREAD DOUGH EVERY 1 ½ INCHES ON THE LONG SIDES OF THE DOUGH. PLUNGE YOUR KNIFE IN ABOUT ½ INCH FROM THAT DELICIOUS-ASS FILLING AND CUT ALL THE WAY TO THE OUTER EDGE OF THE DOUGH, LIKE YOUR DISEMBOWELING A FUCKING HELL HOUND OR SOME SHIT.

SINCE YOU CLASSY-ASS BITCHES MAY NEED A REFERENCE, HERE’S A MOTHERFUCKING PHOTO OF THIS PROCESS I FOUND ON GOOGLE:

image

 SHEATHE YOUR KNIFE BACK IN YOUR THIGH STRAP OR WHEREVER YOU KEEP THAT SHIT. START BRAIDING THE BREAD LIKE YOU WOULD BRAID YOUR CHEST HAIR IF YOU HAD ANY. FOLD THE TOP AND BOTTOM STRIPS IN TOWARDS THE FILLING AND THEN BRAID THOSE OTHER FUCKERS, LEFT OVER RIGHT AND THEN RIGHT OVER LEFT. FINISH THAT SHIT OFF BY PULLING THE LAST STRIP OVER AND TUCKING IT UNDER THE BREAD.

image

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST BRAIDED SOME MOTHERFUCKING BREAD. PUT THAT SHIT ON A RESUME.

BEING CAREFUL NOT TO DROP THAT GLORIOUS LOG OF SPAGHETTI BREAD DELICIOUSNESS, TRANSFER YOUR DAMN PARCHMENT PAPER ONTO A BAKING SHEET. PULL OUT THAT BUTTER YOU MELTED IN THE FIRES OF MORDOR AND GET A BRUSH AND BRUSH THAT BUTTER ONTO THE BRAIDS LIKE YOU’RE MOTHERFUCKING PICASSO. LASTLY, PULL OUT YOUR PARMESAN CHEESE, ITALIAN SEASONING, AND WHATEVER OTHER GLORIOUS SHIT YOU WANT TO PUT ON THERE AND SPRINKLE IT LIKE HOLY WATER ON A DEMON.

THROW THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN AT 350 DEGREES AND BUSY YOURSELF SLAYING DRAGONS FOR 30-35 MINUTES, OR UNTIL IT STARTS TURNING THE GOLDEN-BROWN OF PERFECTION.

PULL THAT SHIT OUT, LET IT SIT FOR A COUPLE MINUTES, AND THEN WHIP OUT YOUR KNIFE AGAIN AND SLICE THAT TASTY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

IF YOU’RE METAL JUST SHOVE THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING IN YOUR MOUTH BUT OTHERWISE IT CAN PROVIDE SUSTENANCE FOR 3 OR 4 NORMAL CLASSY BITCHES.

AND THAT’S IT. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE DELICIOUS PERFECTION THAT IS MOTHERFUCKING BRAIDED SPAGHETTI BREAD.

(via fuckingrecipes)

faustbot:

unxoriginal:

kyerabianca:

All these colors were achieved with red, yellow, blue, and green food coloring mixed into white frosting. The amount of drops needed for the color you want is underneath the icing color. So convenient. :)

I love Mint Chip = 3 blue, 3 green

Click to enlarge!

(via annaandblue)

this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen

Note to self

(via tsuki-no-rakuen)

fuckingrecipes:

Visual Smoothie Recipe -
1/2 cup plain or vanilla yogurt
1/2 cup Ice
1 cup fruit
BLEND THAT SHIT
Remember to actually remove the leaves and peel the fruit. 
Also, Blueberries won’t make that pretty shade of blue - that’s made with a few drops of blue food coloring. Blueberry juice is purple.

fuckingrecipes:

Visual Smoothie Recipe -

1/2 cup plain or vanilla yogurt

1/2 cup Ice

1 cup fruit

BLEND THAT SHIT

Remember to actually remove the leaves and peel the fruit. 

Also, Blueberries won’t make that pretty shade of blue - that’s made with a few drops of blue food coloring. Blueberry juice is purple.

(Source: im-not-mad-im-just-passionate, via fuckingrecipes)