Kiko's Food Porn

rainbow cake with rainbow jelly beans ©

(Source: knockingawesome, via aisu10)

fastgirlsdoitwell:

queenconfection:

Braided Nutella Bread

½ teaspoon yeast
1 cup warm water
2 ½ cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
½ cup Nutella
Cornmeal for dusting
1 egg, beaten with a tablespoon of water to use as an egg wash

Directions:
In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in ¼ cup of the water. Let sit for 10 minutes to activate.

Meanwhile, combine flour, salt, and sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer. After add yeast and the remaining water, mix on low with a dough hook attachment. Turn speed up to medium, and knead dough for about 7 minutes.

Place dough in a lightly oiled bowl. Cover bowl loosely with plastic wrap, and then set in a warm place. The dough is ready when doubled in size – about an hour.

On a lightly floured surface, roll dough to form a rectangle, roughly 12 x 15”. Spread Nutella in an even layer on the surface, leaving a ½ inch border of dough. (I found it helpful to heat the Nutella in a microwave-safe bowl for about 30 seconds. This makes spreading it much easier.) Roll tightly and place on a parchment-lined / silicon-lined baking sheet that’s been sprinkled with cornmeal. Cut the dough down the middle with a knife, leaving one end intact. Twist ends overtop each other, making sure to turn cut side toward the top. Cover dough loosely with plastic wrap and let sit 20 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Brush surface of the bread with the egg wash. Bake bread for 20 minutes. Raise temperature to 425°F and bake until lightly browned on top, about 5-7 minutes more.* Remove from oven, and let cool before serving.

*My bread got a little bit darker then I would have liked. Keep a close eye on your bread when you increase the temperature.

oh my gosh

(via wisnia)

nihilistic-void:

brightlimelight:

c-u-nt-punt:

missmirandaaraee:

WHAT

mmMMMm

Dear god

Step 1: Eat all the ingredients.

(Source: wamwanfood, via jojotarokujo)


Fruity Summer SorbetsStrawberry Banana1 1/2 cups frozen strawberries 1 1/2 bananas (fresh) 1/4 cup lemon (or lime) juice 1/3 cup maple (or agave) syrupPineapple Banana2 fresh bananas 1 1/2 cups frozen pineapple 1/2 cup coconut milk 1/3 cup maple (or agave) syrupZippy Wild Blueberry1 1/2 cups frozen wild blueberries 1/2 cup lemon (or lime) juice 1/2 cup maple (or agave) syrup 1 fresh banana 1/2 tsp ginger powder or grated fresh gingerSpicy Mango1 1/2 cups frozen mango 1 fresh banana 1/3 cup lemon (or lime) juice 1/2 cup maple (or agave) syrup a few dashes of cayenne powderDirectionsAdd all ingredients of desired sorbet to a high speed blender. Blend until smooth, but keep it as thick and frosty as possible. Pour into freezer-friendly container. (Metal works best, but anything will do.) Chill until firm, scoop, and serve.

Fruity Summer Sorbets

Strawberry Banana
1 1/2 cups frozen strawberries
1 1/2 bananas (fresh)
1/4 cup lemon (or lime) juice
1/3 cup maple (or agave) syrup

Pineapple Banana
2 fresh bananas
1 1/2 cups frozen pineapple
1/2 cup coconut milk
1/3 cup maple (or agave) syrup

Zippy Wild Blueberry
1 1/2 cups frozen wild blueberries
1/2 cup lemon (or lime) juice
1/2 cup maple (or agave) syrup
1 fresh banana
1/2 tsp ginger powder or grated fresh ginger

Spicy Mango
1 1/2 cups frozen mango
1 fresh banana
1/3 cup lemon (or lime) juice
1/2 cup maple (or agave) syrup
a few dashes of cayenne powder

Directions
Add all ingredients of desired sorbet to a high speed blender. Blend until smooth, but keep it as thick and frosty as possible. Pour into freezer-friendly container. (Metal works best, but anything will do.) Chill until firm, scoop, and serve.

(Source: tohellwithsalad, via wisnia)

fuckingrecipes:

CALM YO TITS, MATE! IT’S TIME FOR HONEY-LESS GRANOLA BARS!
JFC YOU MIGHT SAY, WHAT IF I LOVE HONEY?
YOU CAN SLATHER THIS SHIT IN BEE SPIT AND POLLEN AFTER CREATION IF YOU SO CHOOSE, BUT IT’S NOT A PART OF THE DAMN ORIGINAL RECIPE!
THE FIRST THING YOU NEED IS TO CONVINCE THOR THAT YOUR NEED IS MIGHTY, AND LET HIM AID YOU IN THE GROCERY SHOPPING. HIS GOLDEN LOCKS AND STUNNING PHYSIQUE MIGHT GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT!
HARVEST 2 AND 1/2 CUPS CRISPY RICE CEREAL. I’M NOT A BRAND-NAME ASSHOLE, SO GENERIC VERSIONS OF ‘RICE CRISPIES’ IS FINE FOR ME. 
MAJESTICALLY RIDE A STALLION TO YOUR NEAREST WINDMILL, TO GATHER ENOUGH ROLLED OATS TO FILL 2 FULL CUPS. 
WHAT THE FUCK ARE ROLLED OATS?
THEY’RE NORMAL OATS THAT HAVE BEEN PUNCHED BY THE MOUNTAIN GOD UNTIL THEY MAINTAIN A FLAT, DISK-LIKE APPEARANCE. 

PHASE-WARP TO KALAMAZOO TO HARVEST THE FINEST GRAPES FROM THEIR VINEYARDS. USE YOUR MAD OCARINA SKILLS SUMMON A BLOOD DRAGON IN ORDER TO FLY ACROSS THE SEA. 
LAY OUT THE GRAPES IN AN ARTFUL RENDITION OF JENSEN ACKLES’ FACE, AND STARE VENGEFULLY AT THEM UNTIL THEY SHRIVEL UNDER THE HEAT AND TURN INTO A 1/2 CUP OF RAISINS. 
IF YOU’RE NOT A RASIN-LOVING MOTHERFUCKER, THIS STEP CAN BE REPEATED, USING CRANBERRIES OR BLUEBERRIES INSTEAD. YOU NEED SOME DRIED FRUIT, ASSHOLE!
KARATE-PUNCH YOUR WAY INTO A BAG OF BROWN SUGAR, AND PULL OUT WITHIN YOUR MIGHTY FIST, A 1/2 CUP OF DENSELY PACKED DELICIOUS GOODNESS. 
Politely request 1/2 cup of white sugar and 4 tablespoons of water. Place it in a small bowl or cup and elegantly mix the two. Set it aside for later. 
NOW SEISMIC TOSS SOME PEANUTS WITH YOUR FACE, AND ACQUIRE A 1/2 CUP OF PEANUT BUTTER!
WHAT’S THIS BULLSHIT? 1 TEASPOON OF VANILLA? SCREAM YOUR FAVORITE LULLABY WHILE ATTAINING IT!  
IN YOUR FAVORITE SACRIFICIAL BOWL, SLAP THE CEREAL, OATS AND DRIED FRUIT TOGETHER. 
USING THE METAL HELMET OF SOME POOR FOOL WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD CONQUER YOUR HOME BASE, STIR TOGETHER THE SUGAR-WATER AND BROWN SUGAR ON LOW HEAT. 
SUDDENLY FLIP IT UP TO HIGH AND CHANT ENOCHIAN UNTIL IT REACHES A LIGHT BOIL - STIR CONSTANTLY!
AGGRESSIVELY POUR  PEANUT BUTTER AND VANILLA INTO THE RED-HOT HELMET. 
KEEP STIRRING, YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER!
WHEN EVERYTHING IS SILKY SMOOTH AND DELICIOUS AS THE ABDOMINAL MUSCLES ON JARED PADALECKI, PRESENT IT TO THE SPIRITS OF COOKING FOR APPROVAL, THEN POUR IT OVER THE CEREAL/OATS MIXTURE. 
 MIX!
MIX LIKE YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE, THERE IS ONLY A FEW SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK, AND IF YOU FULLY STIR IT TOGETHER IN TIME, HEAVEN’S MOST ADORABLE ANGEL’S LIFE COULD BE SPARED. 
CRY TEARS OF PAIN AND BLOOD BECAUSE NO ONE CAN MIX THAT FAST, AND HIS DEATH IS INEVITABLE. 
PRESS THE RESULTING MIXTURE INTO AN UNGREASED PAN. I USED 13in BY 9in.
WAIT A HALF HOUR FOR IT TO SETTLE IN PLACE, THEN CUT IT INTO WHATEVERTHEFUCK SIZE PEICES YOU WANT!
I CARVED MINE INTO A SCALE-MODEL OF MINAS TIRITH. 
SHOVE IT INTO YOUR FACE AND CROW YOUR TRIUMPH TO THE HEAVENS. 
To make vegan/dairyfree/glutenfree, use the appropriate rice cereal.

fuckingrecipes:

CALM YO TITS, MATE! IT’S TIME FOR HONEY-LESS GRANOLA BARS!

JFC YOU MIGHT SAY, WHAT IF I LOVE HONEY?

YOU CAN SLATHER THIS SHIT IN BEE SPIT AND POLLEN AFTER CREATION IF YOU SO CHOOSE, BUT IT’S NOT A PART OF THE DAMN ORIGINAL RECIPE!

THE FIRST THING YOU NEED IS TO CONVINCE THOR THAT YOUR NEED IS MIGHTY, AND LET HIM AID YOU IN THE GROCERY SHOPPING. HIS GOLDEN LOCKS AND STUNNING PHYSIQUE MIGHT GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT!

HARVEST 2 AND 1/2 CUPS CRISPY RICE CEREAL. I’M NOT A BRAND-NAME ASSHOLE, SO GENERIC VERSIONS OF ‘RICE CRISPIES’ IS FINE FOR ME. 

MAJESTICALLY RIDE A STALLION TO YOUR NEAREST WINDMILL, TO GATHER ENOUGH ROLLED OATS TO FILL 2 FULL CUPS

WHAT THE FUCK ARE ROLLED OATS?

THEY’RE NORMAL OATS THAT HAVE BEEN PUNCHED BY THE MOUNTAIN GOD UNTIL THEY MAINTAIN A FLAT, DISK-LIKE APPEARANCE. 

image

PHASE-WARP TO KALAMAZOO TO HARVEST THE FINEST GRAPES FROM THEIR VINEYARDS. USE YOUR MAD OCARINA SKILLS SUMMON A BLOOD DRAGON IN ORDER TO FLY ACROSS THE SEA. 

LAY OUT THE GRAPES IN AN ARTFUL RENDITION OF JENSEN ACKLES’ FACE, AND STARE VENGEFULLY AT THEM UNTIL THEY SHRIVEL UNDER THE HEAT AND TURN INTO A 1/2 CUP OF RAISINS. 

IF YOU’RE NOT A RASIN-LOVING MOTHERFUCKER, THIS STEP CAN BE REPEATED, USING CRANBERRIES OR BLUEBERRIES INSTEAD. YOU NEED SOME DRIED FRUIT, ASSHOLE!

KARATE-PUNCH YOUR WAY INTO A BAG OF BROWN SUGAR, AND PULL OUT WITHIN YOUR MIGHTY FIST, A 1/2 CUP OF DENSELY PACKED DELICIOUS GOODNESS. 

Politely request 1/2 cup of white sugar and 4 tablespoons of water. Place it in a small bowl or cup and elegantly mix the two. Set it aside for later. 

NOW SEISMIC TOSS SOME PEANUTS WITH YOUR FACE, AND ACQUIRE A 1/2 CUP OF PEANUT BUTTER!

WHAT’S THIS BULLSHIT? 1 TEASPOON OF VANILLA? SCREAM YOUR FAVORITE LULLABY WHILE ATTAINING IT!  

IN YOUR FAVORITE SACRIFICIAL BOWL, SLAP THE CEREAL, OATS AND DRIED FRUIT TOGETHER. 

USING THE METAL HELMET OF SOME POOR FOOL WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD CONQUER YOUR HOME BASE, STIR TOGETHER THE SUGAR-WATER AND BROWN SUGAR ON LOW HEAT. 

SUDDENLY FLIP IT UP TO HIGH AND CHANT ENOCHIAN UNTIL IT REACHES A LIGHT BOIL - STIR CONSTANTLY!

AGGRESSIVELY POUR  PEANUT BUTTER AND VANILLA INTO THE RED-HOT HELMET. 

KEEP STIRRING, YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER!

WHEN EVERYTHING IS SILKY SMOOTH AND DELICIOUS AS THE ABDOMINAL MUSCLES ON JARED PADALECKI, PRESENT IT TO THE SPIRITS OF COOKING FOR APPROVAL, THEN POUR IT OVER THE CEREAL/OATS MIXTURE. 

 MIX!

MIX LIKE YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE, THERE IS ONLY A FEW SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK, AND IF YOU FULLY STIR IT TOGETHER IN TIME, HEAVEN’S MOST ADORABLE ANGEL’S LIFE COULD BE SPARED. 

CRY TEARS OF PAIN AND BLOOD BECAUSE NO ONE CAN MIX THAT FAST, AND HIS DEATH IS INEVITABLE. 

PRESS THE RESULTING MIXTURE INTO AN UNGREASED PAN. I USED 13in BY 9in.

WAIT A HALF HOUR FOR IT TO SETTLE IN PLACE, THEN CUT IT INTO WHATEVERTHEFUCK SIZE PEICES YOU WANT!

I CARVED MINE INTO A SCALE-MODEL OF MINAS TIRITH. 

SHOVE IT INTO YOUR FACE AND CROW YOUR TRIUMPH TO THE HEAVENS. 


To make vegan/dairyfree/glutenfree, use the appropriate rice cereal.

(via fuckingrecipes)